Mother's Day: Inauguration

Me and My Mom

Becoming a mother has felt a lot like joining a club. One where the other members aren't afraid to tell you the secrets, where it is okay to talk about things like relationships and bodily functions and sex like you have nothing to be ashamed of, and where, no matter what stage of motherhood you're in, there is someone who has been there and is willing to help you through whatever troubles you may encounter.

It's hard to explain--I have several girlfriends who I am comfortable enough with to talk about ANYTHING, but somehow with other moms, even ones I haven't met before, there is some sort of implicit trust and familiarity, and conversations start easily and flow naturally around subjects such as childbirth, breastfeeding, baby poop, fun toys, daycare, lack of sleep...the list goes on and on.

If motherhood is a club, Mother's Day is the official inauguration ceremony. I have been overwhelmed and surprised at the number of Happy Mother's Day wall posts, text messages, and in-person wishes I have received. It's almost more exciting than my birthday, because I realize I share this honor with so many other women, all on the same day.

There are so many things to learn upon becoming a mother. Some are things you learn by doing, and by spending time with your children, picking up their cues and habits, imparting tradition and ritual into their lives as you build your days. Some are things you learn by studying--like every new skill, I think the more research you can do, the better off you are, so books like Baby 411 or The Happiest Baby on the Block have given me lots of knowledge I can use on a daily basis.

Probably the best things I've learned have been things I've actually known for a long time, but didn't realize I knew them. These came from my own mother. Years and years of watching her, being taken care of by her, rebelling against her, and now becoming a member of her club have opened my eyes to so many things I didn't realize I knew. For example:

• I remember waking up from a bad dream and tiptoeing in to stand at the side of my mom's bed. I was SO quiet, because I didn't want to wake her up, but I really wanted her awake to tell me my bad dream was just a dream. I would stand there staring at her for a few seconds, and without opening her eyes, she would say "What is it?" and I would tell her I had a bad dream. "Did you go to the bathroom?" she would say. "Did you get a drink of water?" I would say yes, and she would tell me to go back to bed. I was always amazed at how she could know I was there. NOW I realize, when you're a mom, you never really go all the way to sleep--you keep one ear open for the sounds of your child in need. THAT'S how she knew I was there.
• I tried to be so sneaky, hiding candy or doing things I wasn't supposed to do, and somehow she would always catch me. I thought she must have some sixth sense, because she always knew what I was up to. NOW I realize that when you're a mom, you are hyper-vigilant, the mother bear protecting her cubs. She knew what I was doing because she was always watching over me.
• Mom's hugs always felt so good when I needed them, and they still do, better than anyone else's hugs probably will. NOW I realize that you pour your whole soul into those hugs you give your children--how could they NOT be amazing?
• I remember my mom kissing my face in public or at home, and thinking it was embarrassing or that I was too old for such silliness, but NOW I realize you just can't help but kiss your baby a thousand times a day, you love her so much.
• My mom wears gloves to wash the dishes, and I used to think that was so silly--you can go much faster if you just do it bare-handed. NOW I realize that she must have washed so many bottles and pacifiers and toys in addition to the regular dishes that her hands were exhausted. I've got dish-pan hands now, too.

These are just a few of the things I've come to realize--things I knew, but couldn't understand until I became a mom myself. It's the best, hardest, scariest, most fun, most rewarding thing I've ever done, and I imagine it just gets more wonderful and more difficult as the years go by.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom, and to all the moms out there. Thanks for letting me join your club.